"People in France have a phrase: 'Spirit of the Stairway.' In French: Esprit de l'escalier. It means that moment when you find the answer, but it's too late. Say you're at a party and someone insults you. You have to say something. So under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party...
As you start down the stairway, then --magic. You come up with the perfect thing you should've said. The perfect crippling put-down.
That's the Spirit of the Stairway.
The trouble is even the French don't have a phrase for the stupid things you actually do say under pressure. Those stupid, desperate things you actually think or do."
-"Haunted" Chuck Palahniuk.
There are so many moments that continue to this day to fly around my head, I should've said something. I couldn't say it, for some reason. Pride, Embarrassment, Stupidity. All reasons why my tongue held back. Today, I'm ready to let this shit go. At least a little bit. This may be directed at you. This may have nothing to do with you. Maybe you know, or maybe you have no idea.
1. "I miss you. I miss you so badly it's killing me."
2. "You have a problem. I know you don't think it's a problem, but it is. You need to realize it as a problem, before you lose everyone you love because of it."
3. "You are an ass-hole. How do I know you're an ass-hole? Because you sacrifice the people who love you most first. The biggest mistake to be made is getting close to you. Once someone sees your true colours, and understands and accepts your past, they must go."
4. "I'm not mad that you're going to be gone. I'm mostly mad that you weren't going to tell me. I'm mad that it had to be a slip of the tongue in order to learn that you were going to be gone on my important day."
5. "I'm afraid of you. I've always been afraid of you. I will probably continue to be afraid of you until I leave."
6."I wanted to believe in you. I wanted to believe that you're a good person. But I can't keep on with this if you're going to make me feel so terrible about myself. You bring me down more than anyone I know. To my face, you're so sweet. But when we're in a group of people, you have to say the most cutting things. It really hurts me. You've helped me through so many things, and you've been there for me. So why is it necessary to bring me down while everyone is watching?"
7. "I'm trying to love you, and forgive you. But I can't. Not after all the things you did to me. "
8. "I know you're lying. I wish you wouldn't."
9. "You should respect yourself more. Look sexy because it makes you feel amazing, makes you feel liberated. Don't do it because you think it's the only way that someone will notice you. You're worth more than that."
10. "You keep pulling me in and then pushing me back, then pulling me in and pushing me away. Do I really mean that little to you?"
11. "Thank you."
12. "I'm still angry because you unjustly accused me, and then acted as if it was nothing. You're constantly accusing me of things that I haven't done. And it's not fair."
13. "You treat me more like your enemy than you do as your friend."
14. "I hate that you've changed. I miss the old you."
15. "I feel like I have to compete with him. And no matter how hard I try, I'll probably never win."
16. "Please don't leave."
17. "This was a mistake.
18. " I hate you, and I've never met you. I don't want to know you. I want to to stop existing, because you're continuously bringing me down. You'll never know how much pain you're causing me, because you don't know me. I still hate you."
19. "I'm sick. I don't know what's wrong. Yes, it's scaring me. I need you."
20. "I'll always love you. No matter what happens. I will always always always love you."
